Suddenly a homeschool mom

Just like most other moms out there, I am suddenly a homeschool teacher.
I never wanted to home school my kids. Not even a little bit, not even for a second. Never at any point in the last 28 years of parenting did it, even for a second, seem like a good idea. I never thought I could do a better job at home, I never doubted that public school was where they should be educated.  Even when things were tough and we got a teacher that wasn't a good fit. Even when we had to sit outside the school crying together because that kid, that day, had to be talked into going.
And yet, here I am, at home, schooling my youngest two children. Teaching 4th and 6th grade kids.
But you know what? It's working so far. And I feel good about it and they are way happier than I thought they would be doing school work at home. Crazy.

If only it was still grey outside
then I would feel normal
for my brain being sick.
But no, it is only brightness, and white, and bright.
So being immobilized feels even more wrong.

I try.
I don't try.
The bottle comes out earlier
day by day.

I can't have another thing
to recover from.
I just can't.